Cut the Victim Mentality

I have noticed that a good number of stuttering people tend to see and present themselves as total victims of the situations that have befallen them. I used to have this same attitude when I was younger, and it is not healthy. I wasn't a very gifted child and I didn't have many accomplishments back then, and I didn't have much self-esteem either, and of course, I had a severe stutter. I used my stuttering as an excuse to feel sorry for myself, or to garner sympathies from others.

That was despicable of me, but I am not unlike many other people. I see those in my school who don't know English very well or are not succeeding in something, or get bullied and tend to use outside excuses and such to pass certain assignments or explain their shortcomings. Some stuttering people like to see themselves as an oppressed minority and some become angry, and wallow in their anger and despair. As I have learned, this will get you nowhere and makes it easy for others to to take advantage of you.

Most schools give children the false impression that the world will care about them. Some people take this as a message that if you are a victim, people will feel sorry about you, they will work towards your interest. I have learned that the only people who really give a toss about you are your family members and close friends. Other people don't usually care about you unless you have something to offer. One should never forget that lest it is learned the hard way.

In school, the adults seem like they care because that is their job. Once you go out, or learn a little more, you realize that the world is a lot crueler than you hoped. This is experienced by many people during adolescence (and sometimes by those who once lived in a small close-knit town and have moved into a big city). The truth sure does hurt. It can be a heartbreaking lesson but an essential one if you are to survive in this world.

It is true that stuttering can hold you back from doing many things. Employers wont find that favorable. It is unfair, but then very few things in life really are. Others have problems too, sometimes much worse, so take pride in what you have and revel in your advantages. If there is something holding you back, you must use whatever resources you have to overcome that problem. I researched a lot about stuttering and took good therapy. I practiced, learned, and mustered up enough courage to enter the Speech and Debate Team. Now I do many things and get involved in many activities. I still stutter, but I have come to a point where I can control my speech enough and not let it control me, and I can definitely convey. As Ben Franklin wisely put it, "God helps those who help themselves."

If there is a bully, or someone who is hurting your success, you may want to let it go and not do anything, but in the end, you cannot blame anything on him. You are held responsible for your own deeds. Another person many be a factor for your failure, but no one has the time to believe that. It is up to you to neutralize or adapt to whatever threat is bothering you and make sure it does not hurt you anymore. It is important to remember the famous saying, "Fool me one, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I have a little bust of Beethoven on my desk, and it is inspiring to see the determined expression of the genius who despite being deaf, composed some of the most magnificent symphonies in history. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. "Fortune favors the bold" said the mighty Romans.

I know letting go of the victim mentality is tough. I have had to let it go too. The world is indeed harsh, and it seems safe at times to assume this kind of attitude and blame your problems on others. It is a false sense of safety . There are situations, and things that are hard for us to control and all we can and should do is adapt. Grow up, or die.

It is good to learn all you can. Especially learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. A reassuring quote from Nietzsche that might help is, "What cannot kill you can make you stronger." Failure is not an option--it's a reality, but failures can often offer us valuable lessons and experience and long term benefits if we deal with it correctly.

Letting go of the victim mentality is good for you and good for your family and friends, who are the real people that care about you. If you want to help others, help yourself first.

Later, I will write a post on self esteem.

For now, listen to this great speech by Rocky Balboa which I find very inspiring: