Self-Esteem advice #1: Exercise

Yes, that's right. I found out that exercise is not just for a good body. It has numerous other benefits I never even knew existed. It is a shame that so many Americans miss out on these benefits. It is a fact that exercise helps depression even more than some drugs do--without the bad side effects. It helps the brain produce its own (beneficial) drugs called Endorphins which gives a feeling of well being.

What helped me most is body building. The increase in testosterone, becoming bigger, and stronger, helped my confidence everywhere I went. It won me respect from others and encouraged self-discipline among other things. It really helps to be able to look in the mirror every day and see what you have accomplished.

The confidence gained from exercise and body building made me much more sociable and better at approaching other people. Also, people tend to not bully someone who is strong and also looks and feels strong. I think it even lowered my stuttering.

In fact, just being healthier and eating good organic foods and doing whatever helps your brain seems to help your stuttering and increase happiness (research the works of Dr. Daniel Amen).
Eating too much junk food increases depression.

So concentrate on your overall health. The rewards are well worth everything you had to do or spend. So research or talk to your doctor and ask advice from others to see how you can improve your health and fitness. Better to exercise with others or while listening to music to give you motivation and incentive and make the experience more fun.

Self-Esteem and Confidence

While talking about stuttering, the topic of self esteem often comes up (if by a tiny chance you don't know what it is, look it up). Many stuttering people, especially younger people have a problem of low self-esteem. A lot of that probably comes from not being able to talk to fellow human beings and share ideas, or it is the embarrassment and ridicule and the lack of control over speaking which erodes one's confidence.

If you have low self esteem, you must try to improve it. It is for the good of you and those who care about you. One needs to have faith in oneself and love oneself in order to be able to follow your dreams and accomplish great things. It'll help people like you and want to work with you. A lot of stuttering has to do with confidence and when I am truly confident, I stutter less. If you love your family and friends, you must try to be happy and keep your self esteem. You can't help others as well if you can't even help yourself. You can have an easier time getting other people to follow you if you can present yourself as an example of what you want--a little wisdom from Gandhi.

I had a very low self esteem in the past. I also stuttered a lot more then. My stuttering was a cause for my lack of self-esteem, which I think made me stutter even more. I have improved tremendously since then but like any normal person, I still have my times of low self-esteem and unhappiness. However, I can handle this much better than I used to, and I want to share what I have learned works well and what helped me to raise self esteem and confidence.


Since self-esteem and confidence seems to be such a big issue for stuttering people. I will start a series of posts giving ideas based on my own experiences and recovery from low self esteem. Different things may work for different people, but we do share many similarities, and it doesn't hurt to try these.

Cut the Victim Mentality

I have noticed that a good number of stuttering people tend to see and present themselves as total victims of the situations that have befallen them. I used to have this same attitude when I was younger, and it is not healthy. I wasn't a very gifted child and I didn't have many accomplishments back then, and I didn't have much self-esteem either, and of course, I had a severe stutter. I used my stuttering as an excuse to feel sorry for myself, or to garner sympathies from others.

That was despicable of me, but I am not unlike many other people. I see those in my school who don't know English very well or are not succeeding in something, or get bullied and tend to use outside excuses and such to pass certain assignments or explain their shortcomings. Some stuttering people like to see themselves as an oppressed minority and some become angry, and wallow in their anger and despair. As I have learned, this will get you nowhere and makes it easy for others to to take advantage of you.

Most schools give children the false impression that the world will care about them. Some people take this as a message that if you are a victim, people will feel sorry about you, they will work towards your interest. I have learned that the only people who really give a toss about you are your family members and close friends. Other people don't usually care about you unless you have something to offer. One should never forget that lest it is learned the hard way.

In school, the adults seem like they care because that is their job. Once you go out, or learn a little more, you realize that the world is a lot crueler than you hoped. This is experienced by many people during adolescence (and sometimes by those who once lived in a small close-knit town and have moved into a big city). The truth sure does hurt. It can be a heartbreaking lesson but an essential one if you are to survive in this world.

It is true that stuttering can hold you back from doing many things. Employers wont find that favorable. It is unfair, but then very few things in life really are. Others have problems too, sometimes much worse, so take pride in what you have and revel in your advantages. If there is something holding you back, you must use whatever resources you have to overcome that problem. I researched a lot about stuttering and took good therapy. I practiced, learned, and mustered up enough courage to enter the Speech and Debate Team. Now I do many things and get involved in many activities. I still stutter, but I have come to a point where I can control my speech enough and not let it control me, and I can definitely convey. As Ben Franklin wisely put it, "God helps those who help themselves."

If there is a bully, or someone who is hurting your success, you may want to let it go and not do anything, but in the end, you cannot blame anything on him. You are held responsible for your own deeds. Another person many be a factor for your failure, but no one has the time to believe that. It is up to you to neutralize or adapt to whatever threat is bothering you and make sure it does not hurt you anymore. It is important to remember the famous saying, "Fool me one, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I have a little bust of Beethoven on my desk, and it is inspiring to see the determined expression of the genius who despite being deaf, composed some of the most magnificent symphonies in history. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. "Fortune favors the bold" said the mighty Romans.

I know letting go of the victim mentality is tough. I have had to let it go too. The world is indeed harsh, and it seems safe at times to assume this kind of attitude and blame your problems on others. It is a false sense of safety . There are situations, and things that are hard for us to control and all we can and should do is adapt. Grow up, or die.

It is good to learn all you can. Especially learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. A reassuring quote from Nietzsche that might help is, "What cannot kill you can make you stronger." Failure is not an option--it's a reality, but failures can often offer us valuable lessons and experience and long term benefits if we deal with it correctly.

Letting go of the victim mentality is good for you and good for your family and friends, who are the real people that care about you. If you want to help others, help yourself first.

Later, I will write a post on self esteem.

For now, listen to this great speech by Rocky Balboa which I find very inspiring:

Should Stuttering Be Considered a Disablility?

I have been thinking about this question. From Webster's Dictionary, one way to describe a disability is a personal characteristic that gives the "inability to pursue an occupation [or do something you want] because of a physical or mental impairment."

This word makes people think of the blind, the deaf, the crippled, the autistic, etc. These are severe cases no doubt, but some people go as far as to put stuttering in this category. I am very skeptical about this, but then again for some people, I can't really blame them. Stuttering is most certainly a minor disability for many.

When I was a little kid, I really didn't care about my stuttering. Yes, I noticed it and it was a little severe, but it wasn't really worth all the concern people put into it. At least that's what I thought back then. You see, back then I was very young, and life was so much more simpler. The need for speaking wasn't so great and I wasn't concerned with interacting with others very much. So I felt that stuttering did not hamper the things I wanted to do, which was just to read, listen, watch films, and play with bugs, plants, and animals. Stuttering was no disability to me. In fact, it just made me special and gave me the childish opportunity to leave class for therapy and an excuse to not participate in class.

I know many people now who are very much like how I was back then. They may not stutter, but they are extremely quiet, like doing things on their own or not at all, and seem uninterested in talking to most people. They avoid conversations and most things that involve unnecessary contact with other people. These people are present in just about every classroom. I think if they had a speech impediment, it would not be a big problem at all. In fact, I think they could use stuttering as a sweet thing to blame for their desire to be left alone.

As my life progressed, things changed and I became a much more outgoing person. I just loved talking to quality people. I tried to get involved in all sorts of activities and affairs that interested me. This is where my stuttering really got in the way and I started to recognize it as a disability.

It became a disability for me because it was severe enough to significantly hamper my success in several of the things I wanted to do. It especially made me feel left out and embarrassed. For some people, it is much worse. Their stuttering is usually much more severe and it affects their life a lot more. I have personally met or read about people whose stuttering has made their jobs a lot more difficult than they are, and some even lost their jobs due to their speech impediment. In the most extreme cases, stuttering had some frighteningly negative mental and social effects, some leading to suicidal tendencies. For them, this is a horrible disability and deserves much attention.

As far as I know, there are laws where I live (California, USA) against discrimination for something like stuttering. So it does happen and can be legally seen as a disability. To the individual, it depends on the case. It is not just black and white. It's not either you stutter or you don't. This is the same for other 'disabilities' like deafness. Some people are a little deaf or can't hear certain sound frequencies that others can, while some are completely deaf and can't hear a sound. The effect of this depends on the person as much as stuttering does.

In conclusion, I say stuttering is an overall relatively moderate disability that has some kind of recognizable effect on most of the people that have it and can sometimes have extreme cases. As for me, there are worse things I could've been born with and stuttering has been a lifelong experience that has profoundly contributed to the building of my character.