Self Esteem Advice #2: Socialize

Humans are social animals. We need each other to survive. That is why we have an inner desire to connect with others. In prehistoric times, we needed to work with each other to build societies, get food, survive dangerous animals and endure the elements. In present times, we seek out each other for practical and economic reasons, and most of all, for our happiness, and sanity. Mixing with quality people who are compatible and supportive is a huge part in having self-esteem and happiness and health.

Since family is typically your most immediate company and has one of the biggest effects on your happiness, it is best to get closer to them first. Decide to do something together with your family that everyone can enjoy such as watching films, playing games, and my personal favorite, going out to explore some town or to see nature. Talk to one another and get to know each other more, give little unexpected surprises of gifts and hugs and such which can be very effective.

Give importance to friends. It has been said over and over again that you may not be able to choose your family, but at least you can choose your friends. That choice says a lot about you and your state of well-being. Choose good people who you can see as having a positive influence on you and are fairly trustworthy, and don't just like you for your money and things you give them (be especially careful of these). A good way to do that is to get involved in activities in your community or region such as concerts, rallies, etc. Use Craig's List to seek out such activities. Volunteer for something. However, do expect too much and be too demanding, as this can be bad. Just go and chill and see what happens. You can also try reconnecting with old friends.

Though I favor real face-to-face interaction much more, I must admit that the Internet is pretty amazing for connecting with others. You can find the type of people you like much easier though social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace, and discuss anything you want in forums with like minded people of your preference. It sure saves the trouble of filing through the vastness of humanity to find someone you can talk to. These things are great for starting relationships and projects that you wouldn't otherwise. I reminds you that you are not alone because in just about every area of interest, you can find several people who have this in common. It can sure be a self esteem boon if you can avoid to cyber-bullies.

When you are with other people and having fun, make sure to feel free to laugh. Laughing has several medical benefits. It releases endorphins which can act like a nice feeling drug along with all the other benefits like better immune system.

There is science that says that the simple act of touch is very important to humans and has some considerable chemical and psychological effects (I didn't need research to know that, but here is an article for you: Science of Touch).

One more thing, while it is good to be with those you care about, remember to also give some space for others as well as yourself. Don't be too pushy and obsessed with other people which can be intrusive, and cause other people to not like you so much which can lead to your feeling getting hurt. Take a little time off to finish your work or do what you want, and let others do the same. I have seen that this can actually strengthen your existing relationships and make you and the other people enjoy the time together even more.

Self-Esteem advice #1: Exercise

Yes, that's right. I found out that exercise is not just for a good body. It has numerous other benefits I never even knew existed. It is a shame that so many Americans miss out on these benefits. It is a fact that exercise helps depression even more than some drugs do--without the bad side effects. It helps the brain produce its own (beneficial) drugs called Endorphins which gives a feeling of well being.

If you want to lose weight or tone, I personally don't think an expensive gym membership or any machine is necessary at all. I strongly prefer the healthier and uplifting alternative of outdoor jogging or hiking or biking. Grab a music device if you really need it or meet other people and have conversations in order to give you motivation and make the time fun. If you bike or walk instead of using the car, you are saving money, helping the environment and community, meeting more people, and becoming healthier in both mind and body. Enjoy the fresh air, experience nature instead of being trapped inside a room all your life. You probably spend 90% of your life indoors anyways, so why not do yourself a favor and try something new and go outside? On the other hand, if you insist on staying in a building, try jogging early in the mall. The staircases are good and it is still a nice place to explore.

What helped me most is body building. The increase in testosterone, becoming bigger, and stronger, helped my confidence everywhere I went. It won me respect from others and encouraged self-discipline among other things. It really helps to be able to look in the mirror every day and see what you have accomplished.

The confidence gained from exercise and body building made me much more sociable and better at approaching other people. Also, people tend to not bully someone who is strong and also looks and feels strong. I think it even lowered my stuttering.

In fact, just being healthier and eating good organic foods and doing whatever helps your brain seems to help your stuttering and increase happiness (research the works of Dr. Daniel Amen).
Eating too much junk food increases depression.

So concentrate on your overall health. The rewards are well worth everything you had to do or spend. So research or talk to your doctor and ask advice from others to see how you can improve your health and fitness. Better to exercise with others or while listening to music to give you motivation and incentive and make the experience more fun.

Self-Esteem and Confidence

While talking about stuttering, the topic of self esteem often comes up (if by a tiny chance you don't know what it is, look it up). Many stuttering people, especially younger people have a problem of low self-esteem. A lot of that probably comes from not being able to talk to fellow human beings and share ideas, or it is the embarrassment and ridicule and the lack of control over speaking which erodes one's confidence.

If you have low self esteem, you must try to improve it. It is for the good of you and those who care about you. One needs to have faith in oneself and love oneself in order to be able to follow your dreams and accomplish great things. It'll help people like you and want to work with you. A lot of stuttering has to do with confidence and when I am truly confident, I stutter less. If you love your family and friends, you must try to be happy and keep your self esteem. You can't help others as well if you can't even help yourself. You can have an easier time getting other people to follow you if you can present yourself as an example of what you want--a little wisdom from Gandhi.

I had a very low self esteem in the past. I also stuttered a lot more then. My stuttering was a cause for my lack of self-esteem, which I think made me stutter even more. I have improved tremendously since then but like any normal person, I still have my times of low self-esteem and unhappiness. However, I can handle this much better than I used to, and I want to share what I have learned works well and what helped me to raise self esteem and confidence.


Since self-esteem and confidence seems to be such a big issue for stuttering people. I will start a series of posts giving ideas based on my own experiences and recovery from low self esteem. Different things may work for different people, but we do share many similarities, and it doesn't hurt to try these.

Cut the Victim Mentality

I have noticed that a good number of stuttering people tend to see and present themselves as total victims of the situations that have befallen them. I used to have this same attitude when I was younger, and it is not healthy. I wasn't a very gifted child and I didn't have many accomplishments back then, and I didn't have much self-esteem either, and of course, I had a severe stutter. I used my stuttering as an excuse to feel sorry for myself, or to garner sympathies from others.

That was despicable of me, but I am not unlike many other people. I see those in my school who don't know English very well or are not succeeding in something, or get bullied and tend to use outside excuses and such to pass certain assignments or explain their shortcomings. Some stuttering people like to see themselves as an oppressed minority and some become angry, and wallow in their anger and despair. As I have learned, this will get you nowhere and makes it easy for others to to take advantage of you.

Most schools give children the false impression that the world will care about them. Some people take this as a message that if you are a victim, people will feel sorry about you, they will work towards your interest. I have learned that the only people who really give a toss about you are your family members and close friends. Other people don't usually care about you unless you have something to offer. One should never forget that lest it is learned the hard way.

In school, the adults seem like they care because that is their job. Once you go out, or learn a little more, you realize that the world is a lot crueler than you hoped. This is experienced by many people during adolescence (and sometimes by those who once lived in a small close-knit town and have moved into a big city). The truth sure does hurt. It can be a heartbreaking lesson but an essential one if you are to survive in this world.

It is true that stuttering can hold you back from doing many things. Employers wont find that favorable. It is unfair, but then very few things in life really are. Others have problems too, sometimes much worse, so take pride in what you have and revel in your advantages. If there is something holding you back, you must use whatever resources you have to overcome that problem. I researched a lot about stuttering and took good therapy. I practiced, learned, and mustered up enough courage to enter the Speech and Debate Team. Now I do many things and get involved in many activities. I still stutter, but I have come to a point where I can control my speech enough and not let it control me, and I can definitely convey. As Ben Franklin wisely put it, "God helps those who help themselves."

If there is a bully, or someone who is hurting your success, you may want to let it go and not do anything, but in the end, you cannot blame anything on him. You are held responsible for your own deeds. Another person many be a factor for your failure, but no one has the time to believe that. It is up to you to neutralize or adapt to whatever threat is bothering you and make sure it does not hurt you anymore. It is important to remember the famous saying, "Fool me one, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I have a little bust of Beethoven on my desk, and it is inspiring to see the determined expression of the genius who despite being deaf, composed some of the most magnificent symphonies in history. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. "Fortune favors the bold" said the mighty Romans.

I know letting go of the victim mentality is tough. I have had to let it go too. The world is indeed harsh, and it seems safe at times to assume this kind of attitude and blame your problems on others. It is a false sense of safety . There are situations, and things that are hard for us to control and all we can and should do is adapt. Grow up, or die.

It is good to learn all you can. Especially learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. A reassuring quote from Nietzsche that might help is, "What cannot kill you can make you stronger." Failure is not an option--it's a reality, but failures can often offer us valuable lessons and experience and long term benefits if we deal with it correctly.

Letting go of the victim mentality is good for you and good for your family and friends, who are the real people that care about you. If you want to help others, help yourself first.

Later, I will write a post on self esteem.

For now, listen to this great speech by Rocky Balboa which I find very inspiring: